The Comedy of Grief: How they preserve the power of desperation
Among impoverished communities in my native Africa there are times when the logic of commerce or economics, justice or Maslow's basic needs requires that a person appeals to the effect of the primal cry of desperation. This primal cry comes from an evolutionary instinct within all of us to rise up and protect the desperate and the infirm. This is the ancient cry of old that gets the Samaritan to stop by the roadside to assist the injured Jew, a thing unheard of. This is the same cry that makes judges stop thinking of the just punishment under the law for a convicted criminal and think in terms of mercy, and of ways to justify the release of the prisoner on compassionate grounds. This is the same desperate cry that a mother hears in the voice of her son who justly ought to be punished but pleads not his innocence, but his vulnerability, such that the mother drops the switch or the belt and instead hugs her son, and herself crying, tells her son never to do it again while smothering him with kisses on the forehead.
This cry of appeal for mercy based on humbly succumbing to deep emotion and breaking down all barriers of shame has helped many people survive difficult challenges and emerge unscathed. This is what people mean when they say "She was desperate, and she was even crying." People can not handle the emotion that pours out of the desperate soul.
The art of desperation has been perfected by some species to create a whole new way of life. Ever wondered why we always feel pity for a cat when it meeows at us? Why do you think the dog, which usually barks and growls all of a sudden starts cooing and yelping when you have food in your hands, all the while wagging its tail? Why does a grown man go down to his knees and while holding his hands together like a praying mantis, looks up to his creditor, and sobbing, asks to be forgiven his debt? The primal cry of desperation is an art form that has defined the evolution of certain species and significantly improved their survival. There are some species that even go the extent of playing dead in the desperate effort to look harmless or to be left alone.
This cry of appeal for mercy based on humbly succumbing to deep emotion and breaking down all barriers of shame has helped many people survive difficult challenges and emerge unscathed. This is what people mean when they say "She was desperate, and she was even crying." People can not handle the emotion that pours out of the desperate soul.
The art of desperation has been perfected by some species to create a whole new way of life. Ever wondered why we always feel pity for a cat when it meeows at us? Why do you think the dog, which usually barks and growls all of a sudden starts cooing and yelping when you have food in your hands, all the while wagging its tail? Why does a grown man go down to his knees and while holding his hands together like a praying mantis, looks up to his creditor, and sobbing, asks to be forgiven his debt? The primal cry of desperation is an art form that has defined the evolution of certain species and significantly improved their survival. There are some species that even go the extent of playing dead in the desperate effort to look harmless or to be left alone.
The conservation of energy principle
The funeral cry for Jangatu has been sounded all over the neighbouring villages and everyone is shocked to hear of the demise of the great hunter and spiritual leader of Shokwe Village. Those who live nearby have already arrived and getting on with the practical business of lighting a bonefire, getting water for the people to drink and for cooking, and if there is money, getting some of the provisions for feeding the many who are expected to arrive.
Meanwhile, three kilometres away the women of the Zamani Sewing Club have closed their doors to business and gathered in the front yard to start the walk towards Jangatu's homestead. Jangatu's wife was one of them until a year ago when she died leaving hiw widowed, taking care of two children of school going age. They are gathered waiting for Sophia to return whom they have sent to the shops to get for them two bottles of Vodka and some lime and lemonade for sharing among themselves at the funeral, for it will be a long night of singing. They are chatting animatedly and sharing stories about neighbors and politics and relatives as they start off on their way to the funeral. Every kilometre covered gets them closer to the Jangatu homestead and their animated discussions, the jocosity and cacophony in their voices, carries all the way round the forrested path. As they get within two hundred metres of the Jangatu home, they suddenly get into a bussinesslike mood and the leading lady pointedly looks at Frastina and says: "Ndiwe une Soprano, titungamire ngatitangeyi kuchema." This is Shona language of Zimbabwe, and the interpretation is: "You are the one with a soprano voice, lead us and let us start crying."
At that time, with the spontaneity of a garden sprinkler, the entire troupe starts wailing following the lead of the soprano lady, some in contralto and some in alto. The wailing voices reach all the way to the funeral and people at the Jangatu homestead can hear the arrival of the group of ladies from the Zamani Sewing Club. The wailing voices echo through with crescendos and diminuendos of agony and ecstasy, and soon are joined by a few who had already arrived and carry the sense and meaning of grief and bereavement to its logical toll of desperate loss.
As soon as they have made their usual and expected condolences the sewing club women settle down, ask the expected questions and use the expected uuuuuhs and aaaaahs of sympathy, and then get down to the serious businesss of gossipping, getting some food, drinking vodka secretly and chatting animatedly among each other. Thus they will have fulfilled their role and conserved energy all the way till it was absolutely necessary to use that energy. This is the conservation of energy principle.
The important thing is to know exactly when to start using energy and when to stop because energy is of the essence. In impoverished communities energy is a desperately rationed commodity and there is none of it to waste. Most people survive on only one depauperate meal a day and work their knuckles to the bone just to scratch a living. Therefore desperation is utilized as a survival mode that has clear energetic costs that must not exceed its benefits.
When Trubina requests an audience with the loan shark she prepares herself for the meeting. When she gets to his offices, she does not break down and cry in front of the doorman. He does not have the influence that is required to ameliorate her situation. When she gets to the Loan shark's secretary, she does not break down and cry either because it would be a waste of 'desperation energy'. Now when she enters the door of the Loan shark's office, she starts mourning and weeping, and telling her desperate story in between sobs, to convince the loan shark to give her a further moratorium on debt repayment, just another month and she will pay it off. She has conserved her energy for full effect in front of the only person who really matters.
When Trubina requests an audience with the loan shark she prepares herself for the meeting. When she gets to his offices, she does not break down and cry in front of the doorman. He does not have the influence that is required to ameliorate her situation. When she gets to the Loan shark's secretary, she does not break down and cry either because it would be a waste of 'desperation energy'. Now when she enters the door of the Loan shark's office, she starts mourning and weeping, and telling her desperate story in between sobs, to convince the loan shark to give her a further moratorium on debt repayment, just another month and she will pay it off. She has conserved her energy for full effect in front of the only person who really matters.
Crocodile Tears and The Mercy of God
All the incidences described above can be categorized as 'crocodile tears' based on the underlying deception that defines the motive of the desperate acts described. These crocodile tears appear like tears, look genuine and appeal to the primal instinct of protection that is difficult to resist. Indeed they often earn the desired prize of mercy from the unsuspecting audience.
The question is whether this can appeal to God's sense of mercy as well. God grants us mercy not based on the perfection of our art of playing desperate and vulnerable, but on our genuine show of contrition and humility and a pledge of restitution for the things we have caused to be lost. The distinction here between man and God is the word genuine. God can tell when you are playing at desperation as a ruse and does not fall for that primal cry of compassion if it is not genuine because he is all compassion. God does not fall for the deceptive pleas for mercy because he is all merciful. God only responds to the person who sets asides pride, deception and arrogance and genuinely pleads from a humble and contrite heart for God's mercy while fully acknowledging his or her own guilt in its full extent and with its full consequences under the law. In the absence of the acknowledgement of guilt followed by contrition there is little scope for forgiveness and mercy.
How can I ask you to forgive me for stealing your car when you did not own a car? Or if you do own a car, it has not been stolen? Or if indeed it was stolen, it was notstolen by me? Guilt must be established through the requirements of justice under the law as a precondition for contrition. In the absence of guilt one must always try to defend themselves to the full extent allowed by the decrees of justice. Never suffer for any crime you did not commit for that is unjustifiable.
Acknowledgement of guilt must always precede a plea for mercy. This presumes setting aside any further arguments in self defense. It means that all the weight of the law and the consequences of the actions are acknowledged and you are placing your entire fate at the mercy of the judge, in this case the judge is God. It carries with it the risk that there is a possibility your plea for mercy will be rejected, and this after you have already pleaded guilty to the full extent of the crime. The plea for mercy therefore is a genuine show of vulnerability because it presupposes that you have confessed fully, a priori to the granting of pardon. Therefore it lays you fully exposed to the consequences of punishment even before being guranteed any pardon on the basis of mercy.
The question is whether this can appeal to God's sense of mercy as well. God grants us mercy not based on the perfection of our art of playing desperate and vulnerable, but on our genuine show of contrition and humility and a pledge of restitution for the things we have caused to be lost. The distinction here between man and God is the word genuine. God can tell when you are playing at desperation as a ruse and does not fall for that primal cry of compassion if it is not genuine because he is all compassion. God does not fall for the deceptive pleas for mercy because he is all merciful. God only responds to the person who sets asides pride, deception and arrogance and genuinely pleads from a humble and contrite heart for God's mercy while fully acknowledging his or her own guilt in its full extent and with its full consequences under the law. In the absence of the acknowledgement of guilt followed by contrition there is little scope for forgiveness and mercy.
How can I ask you to forgive me for stealing your car when you did not own a car? Or if you do own a car, it has not been stolen? Or if indeed it was stolen, it was notstolen by me? Guilt must be established through the requirements of justice under the law as a precondition for contrition. In the absence of guilt one must always try to defend themselves to the full extent allowed by the decrees of justice. Never suffer for any crime you did not commit for that is unjustifiable.
Acknowledgement of guilt must always precede a plea for mercy. This presumes setting aside any further arguments in self defense. It means that all the weight of the law and the consequences of the actions are acknowledged and you are placing your entire fate at the mercy of the judge, in this case the judge is God. It carries with it the risk that there is a possibility your plea for mercy will be rejected, and this after you have already pleaded guilty to the full extent of the crime. The plea for mercy therefore is a genuine show of vulnerability because it presupposes that you have confessed fully, a priori to the granting of pardon. Therefore it lays you fully exposed to the consequences of punishment even before being guranteed any pardon on the basis of mercy.
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